Unlike most weddings — you can, of course, choose to elope — a divorce is a very private affair. Even if the decision to break up is mutual, the reasons behind it are, or at least should be, private. It’s a matter of basic respect. When children are involved, the situation is even more sensitive, and it’s their interests that must come first.
The days when divorce court cases were gleefully reported in newspapers and other media are, thankfully, over.
The breakdown of a marriage is — or ought to be — a cause for sorrow rather than celebration.
When the British actor and comedian Dawn French was interviewed for BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs program, she discussed her breakup from fellow comic Lenny Henry. She said they sat down together and had a long conversation, including a lot of laughs, as they worked through the situation and came to the inevitable conclusion.
It’s not coincidental that the friend who was seeking opinions on divorce ceremonies was a marriage celebrant. He was, I suppose, guaging what level of interest there might be in a new product line — like a greeting card company wondering whether it should try to invent a special occasion (“Great-grandparents’ Day”, anybody?) just to beef up sales.
If people want divorce ceremonies, then it’s not for me to stop them. If the market is there, it’s inevitable that somebody like my FB friend will seek to fill it. I might do the same thing if I were in his position. But then, having gone through a divorce myself, I would find it painful to be part of any pretense that the failure of a marriage is anything to celebrate.
Yes, there are many reasons to walk away from a marriage — especially if domestic violence is involved — but I really can’t think of a reason to celebrate a divorce with a wedding-like ceremony, and certainly not while the other person is in the room.
If you need some closure after breaking up, do it informally among friends.
