I just received a phone call from a chap representing my bank, offering me an exceptional deal: instant access to a US$20,000 personal loan with a laughably low interest rate — much, much lower than the rate on my credit card — and payable in 36 easy monthly installments.
“Fabulous,” I say, “where do I sign up?”
Actually, that’s not what I say..
I say: “Well, this certainly is a very generous offer. There’s only one problem, and it’s a matter of terribly bad luck, but I don’t need to buy anything at the moment, so I really have the space in my life for borrowed money that has to be repaid with interest, albeit at a very attractive rate.” Or something like that.
Feeling his disappointment at this rejection, I add: “But it’s certainly handy to know for the future …”
“Oh no, Sir,” says the cold-caller — and I should point out, at this stage, that the time is 4.45pm — “this offer is only available until close of business today. If you wait, you will have to fill out all sorts of documents, and pay a much higher interest rate. This loan is pre-approved.”
“Well,” I say, “that really is great, but I don’t actually want a loan.” At that stage I hang up.
Assuming my bank knows a thing or two about human psychology and isn’t just wasting its employees’ time as well as mine, this tactic must work. There really must be people who say, with 15 minutes of the business day left to go that, yes, despite having no need for one, they will have a pre-approved personal loan for US$20,000 before the offer expires.
What to spend it on? Well, there’s always something …
